WHY “DATING” YOURSELF IS IMPORTANT “Be your own boyfriend!!!!” I shout from the rooftops every single time someone asks me …
“Forests’ strong intuition, coupled with her poetic dialogue is both unique and charming… She relates easily to others just as others will relate to Forest in her most recent book of poetry and prose – under the callous. It is beautifully written, raw, and deeply real. It will absolutely leave you open-hearted and wanting for more.” – Olivia Chelsea
Interview with Digital Diary / “Have enough ego to know what you’re worth, but not enough ego to think you don’t have to try” – Forest Greenwell
A journal entry / 430AM / Bathroom Floor Is this what I get? Is this what I give? Is tender …
Not all rape is violent. You don’t always know when it’s happening. It’s hard to wrap you head around. You do not feel like a changed person all at once. Your world doesn’t always shatter. Sometimes it splinters and you slowly pull out the pieces – sometimes waiting while your skin pushes it back to the surface. You try and rid yourself of it, and sometimes it takes a while for it to be apparent what exactly that means.
You’ve started the rhythmic counting in your head that you picked up in fourth grade when you started percussion. One, two, blip, four, blip, two, three, four, one, blip, three, four…
You whip your head around. What did you just hear? Was that the front door closing? Is someone home? You realize it was nothing and become aware of the heavy beating in your chest, your shallow breathing. Blip. (Were you doing this before?) It was probably nothing you reassure yourself -blip-, as you pick little pieces of chip and paper off the ground that have collected there since last night. Blip.
You have to be accountable for everything that does and doesn’t happen because there is no where else to put the blame – including if the energy of your home doesn’t feel right. In less than 400sq feet, there is no where to run or hide.
I feel most in my element at home in a big sweater and panties. I am the typical girl-next-door and I think thats how I’ve always idealized myself sexually as well. Perceived innocence. The knowing things you’re not supposed to know. The beauty of the mundanities of life.
While there are parts of this experience that are raw and painful, looking back on what I garnered from that experience I feel proud of the work and honoured I got to see out some of my dreams. Nothing is without challenges if it comes with growth.