WRITING

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IN THE PRESENT

Do you ever breathe in a citrus/cbd/salt bath for like 20 minutes and moisturize and level up like +3 into your ideal person?

How do we deal with figuring out which if our needs, needs attention the most? I am a very action oriented person and will push myself to the point of burn out in every aspect of my life. I often go to extremes- everything or nothing. This year I decided my word of the year was NOURISH. I dont process guilt or shame very well and as a result I hoard those feelings in my body instead of dealing with them. This shows up in Tarot as 3 of swords - moving more towards aggression and apathy before I get to the root of that third sword. The swords represent our mind, for me here is stands out as expectations - often unrealistic ones - and how I fulfill or break them down. Today it looked like choosing to stay home for most of the day on the coldest day of the year to clean. It meant making myself breakfast and going to the gym after finally getting my membership sorted. I t looks like cleaning my disaster apartment and forgiving myself for letting it get so messy while also applauding myself for not exhausting myself further and cleaning it on days when I truly didnt have the energy or capacity to. All of this while recognizing that true condition of my home base so often reflects the state of my mind - knowing that it is okay to work towards being good instead of being perfect. Perfection is easy to define and in a way, easy to achieve. But in those fleeting moments when everything comes together before it inevitably moves on in our consistent cycle of change I always have to ask myself if aiming to feel perfect was more worthy than aiming to feel good? A lot of what I have been doing lately has been under the pressure of how I perceive outside forces - and how I want them to perceive me. What is it that builds integrity? That is the most important thing for me at the end of the day, to know I lived and acted with integrity. I don't feel like living with those outside voices is integral to me being who I am authentically and showing up in a way that really feels good. So I'm going to hold onto these last few hours before I teach a workshop and sink into the blessings and gratitude in my life, including that I have power to give myself SPACE and NOURISHMENT.

Frank

Wow. Truly in my element. Thank you @patrickfulgencio for seeing me and capturing the essence of the work I do. Pulling the magic out of the subconscious and into the light 💫

2019 you crazy binch, I can hardly believe the ride I've gone on this year. This decade! Started in grade 9 and now I'm starting in my first business. It's funny how a decade can bring us back around to ourselves. I wish I could tell 14 year old fo that she was going to be a badass witch tarot reader business owner poet, but instead I'll just remind 24 year old fo of who she is and the power she holds. This year I wrangled a lot of obstacles - my first (and potentially last) solo apartment, my second book, opening a business, moving in with my partner and creating a space together.... the biggest of all of these has been my pride and ego. I've had to ask for help and support this year in a way I never believed I had access to. That I never thought I deserved. If this decade has taught me anything it's that authentic communication paired with powerful intentions can take you to places you never dreamed of. When I looked back on my 2019 resolutions the most hilarious thing to me is that all it says about tarot is "expand tarot readings" and a blip about practicing my spirituality more. Needless to say this decade and specifically this year have transformed me. While it has been challenging to come up against my ideas of self-worth and be honest about what I want and the work it takes to get there, I've been blessed to go through these years flanked by friends and lovers who have shared so much of themselves and made true vulnerability with myself a possibility and also my reality. Thank you for all the love, laughter, learning, heartache, heartbreak, moves, becoming, trying and failing, building and soaring. I love so many people so deeply, near and far. Its funny when you start becoming yourself you start to become one with everyone. Thank you for letting me love you. I am so humbled. Bye 2019, you've been good and tough and I will cherish you always.

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